Sociologist, Brene Brown says we are all wounded young. Because of that we tend to put on armor to protect ourselves from further wounding. We need to develop self-awareness or our undefined and unexplored emotion and cognition will control and drive every decision in our life.
The problem for most of us is that we grow up and away from the need for that armor – yet we keep it in place because of the hidden fears that our vulnerability will result in further wounding. The armor traps us into fear, doubt, shame, uncertainty and grief. At the same time, it shields us from things like love, joy, belonging, trust, empathy, creativity and innovation. You can’t numb negative emotions without shutting down positive emotions. We are a whole package.
For years, I was immobilized by the fear of being stupid. My parents were missionaries who returned to Canada in my elementary years. On my first day of school in this country I picked up my pencil to write and was hit with a ruler by the teacher. My crime, using my left hand – which I didn’t know was wrong. Soon after, I was told to do math and a tray of yellow, blue, green and red blocks were dumped on my desk. I had no idea what they stood for and was called stupid and made to go for tutoring. I still wonder if that fear of failure drove me to gain three masters degrees and a PhD. In the 12 Tasks book, I focus on the climb up Mount Kenya with my son Richard and what it felt like to fall short when I got too sick at the last cabin. How do you deal with failure when it matters at crucial times?
When it comes to the 12 Tasks, I would love to focus on the area of strengths, forget about the growth areas and assume that the relationships I need will happen. When I shut off who I am as a whole person I short-circuit the chance to connect at a depth needed to sustain the challenges that come in my interactions.
12 Tasks isn’t just for kids. If we focus on developing 4 areas of strength, 4 growth areas, and 4 areas of relationship building we see that this can apply in marriage, in friendship, in singleness, in college, in mid-life and in our senior years.
In so much of life we see ourselves shuffled into a mindset of thinking that we will win or lose. Brown says that the reality is for us to show up with who we are and deal with life as we have been designed. Authenticity is a choice. If we can’t model it for those we are partnering with through 12 Tasks we have already failed.
12 Tasks originated in Kenya, through some of us connected with the Rift Valley Academy. In 1909 US President, Theodore Roosevelt laid the corner stone for the main Kiambogo building. The school was established to help children of missionaries to become successful in an environment where their future might be limited. This same president shared the following quote at the Sorbonne in Paris.
“It’s not the critic who counts, it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done it better. The credit belongs to the person who is in the arena, whose face is marred with blood and sweat and dust; who in the end knows the triumph of high achievement and who at worst, if he fails, fails daring greatly.”
Brown says her life was changed by this quote. I wonder how it impacts you. 12 Tasks is a journey – not just for the outside of us but for the inside as well. We welcome you to the adventure.