As I write this blog, we are days from the New Year. While January first is an artificial and arbitrary moment of time on a calendar designated by western humanity, we each look forward to that date as a chance to start fresh. All over the world, societies love to have fresh starts. I myself, depend on fresh starts and embrace a faith that believes in fresh starts.
Sometimes, our youth feel that fresh starts only happen as they leave what they know. For example, David Murrow, in his book Why Men Hate Going to Church, has tracked the spiritual habits of males from ten to twenty and found that many of them attempt a step into independence by trying to drop out of church. Just when young men need the support of a faith community they attempt to leave it. Murrow says he believes that this happens because the church doesn’t embrace any path toward helping young men move into manhood.
Bryan Stevenson, in his book Just Mercy, looks at the injustices in the U.S. justice system and says Today, [the US] has “the highest rate of incarceration in the world. The prison population has increased from 300,000 people in the early 1970’s to 2.3 million people today. There are nearly six million people on probation or on parole. One in every fifteen people born in the United States in 2001 is expected to go to jail or prison; one in every three black male babies born in this century is expected to be incarcerated.” He adds… “Some states have no minimum age for prosecuting children as adults; we’ve sent a quarter million kids to adult jails and prisons to serve long prison terms, some under the age of twelve. For years, we’ve been the only country in the world that condemns children to life imprisonment without parole; nearly three thousand juveniles have been sentenced to die in prison.” (p. 15)
12 Tasks isn’t going to reform a nation on its own. Mentoring the next generation is the responsibility of all parents and those in leadership whether they are part of a faith community or not. None of us give birth to children hoping that they will become another statistic in the justice system. Finding a way to guide and guard emerging young adults is crucial to the well-being of families and societies. We invite you to consider this and to set up your partnerships in a way that offer clear fresh starts.
Murrow says “Since the church is unwilling to initiate young men into manhood, they do it themselves. They subject their bodies to all sorts of abuse. They adopt a hypermasculine persona, expunge every trace of femininity. They endure humbling rites of passage: drugs, promiscuity, tattoos, foul language, drunkenness, reckless driving, and violent behavior, to ease their pain and prove their manliness at the same time. And they flee the church, because of its feminine ways and reputation as a place of safety.”
He continues… “What about the ‘good boys’ who don’t get into much trouble? Even they prefer manly things. They listen to music that glorifies violence, misogyny, and sex. They play savage video games and gravitate to brutal ‘cage fighter’ type sports. They watch action movies replete with fights, explosions, and swaggering heroes. Even nerds know that girls go for guys with great skills – nanchuk skills, bowhunting skills… you get the picture.” (12 Tasks, pp.25-26)
I’m not saying that if we don’t keep our young men in the church they’ll inevitably end up in prison. I’m saying that 12 Tasks offers options and opportunity for relationship building that will give strength and stability during times when decision making and its consequences are critical. We are building a legacy of flourishing and resiliency for the next generation. I do advocate, however, for you to participate in a community that will support your efforts to build values and wisdom into your offspring.
Murrow says “if Christians could just figure out a way to keep boys engaged in the church, everyone would win Young men would enter adulthood with fewer addictions, diseases, injuries, and psychological scars. Society would benefit from lower crime rates. And the church would benefit from the vitality young men bring to an organization.” (p. 26)
While we wrestle against great odds for life in a culture streaked with anxiety and fear, we need not wrestle alone. Reach out and get the support you need before deep habits and reactions become hard to deal with. We are in your corner as you raise and support the next generations. Develop your 12 Tasks in a way that continually gives fresh starts for young hearts.